Parenthood - What's Goin' on Down There, S01E07

I said from the first meeting of Sarah Braverman (Lauren Graham) and her daughter's English teacher, Mr Cyr (Jason Ritter) that the relationship was nothing but a bad idea. This episode, however, gave me a far worse outcome than I would have expected.

I was very surprised that Julia (Erika Christensen) and Kristina (Monica Potter) were encouraging Sarah to go for the teacher. I guess dating a teacher is a good choice compared with all the other men Sarah has likely dated, but there are complications when a child is involved. Leave it to Adam (Peter Krause) to be the only one to question the choice, and to notice very easily and quickly that Amber (Mae Whitman) had a crush on her teacher.

The only thing worse than complicating your child's life by dating her teacher is when you are dating the teacher who is not only her inspiration for not wanting to F_ up her high school career, but whom she also has a crush on. Mr. Cyr was such an important relationship for Amber than even if she hadn't had a crush on him, she still would have been hurt that he was giving her mother more attention than he gave her.

Plus, that he is equidistant for both of them in regards to age just makes the entire situation worse, particularly when society generally considers that men should be older and women younger.

And if all that hadn't been bad enough, for Sarah to simply go into Amber's room a day or two before she had the writer her SATs to break her the news that she was dating her teacher, a move she made as a result of her conversation with Adam who told her that Amber had a crush...well that's just the most idiotic parenting technique I've ever heard of. There should be absolutely no surprise that Amber not only skipped her exam, but then skipped town with her old boyfriend.

What I think Sarah should have done (after not dating him in the first place) was 1. wait until after the exam, and 2. feel out whether Adam's information was correct.

Her actions after she discovered that he was speaking the truth was the end the relationship, but at that point, the damage was already done. Her daughter was already crushed. The only explanation for why she approached the situation the way she did was in the hopes that Adam was wrong, and that Amber would be genuinely happy for her. Selfish.

What do you think Sarah should have done or said?

Parenthood - The Big 'O', S01E06

This week, we got to learn about the Bravermans' ideas about the big 'O', choices for the self vs choices for the child, and what kind of parent Crosby (Dax Shepard) is going to be.

It was odd to see Lauren Graham portray yet another mother intent on dating her daughter's teacher. Well, she made a call at first that seemed to show her choosing Amber (Mae Whitman)'s happiness over her own, but by the end of the episode, she'd agreed to that date. Frankly, I blame the teachers. If these women are so interesting to you, would it really be so hard to wait the few months-few years when that child is no longer your student? If the woman is really that great, you'll still be interested then...but people want what they want when they want it.

Max (Max Burkholder) especially feels this way. I honestly am not sure how I feel about what his behaviourist is doing to help him. Sure, she's getting him to initiate normal behaviours, but I would consider her methods are not based on deals or compromises, but solely on bribes. Maybe bribery is the only way to help a child with aspergers, but even still it seems wrong.

I was also not certain if Julia (Erika Christensen) was wrong about her decision to uninclude Racquel (Erinn Hayes) from her life, the life of her husband, and the life of her child. Racquel made a play for Joel (Sam Jaeger) several months earlier, and those Joel says he shut it down completely, Julia insists that they never see Racquel again. While no one would disagree entirely with this request from a wife to her husband, the real problem is for their daughters. The girls are best friends, and no Racquel means no more daughter either.

In the end, Julia sided for her daughter, trusting that whatever intentions Racquel might have, Joel would not stray. But was the request wrong in the first place? Should a woman who made a pass at your husband continue to be in your lives?

And finally, why do women fake orgasms? Adam (Peter Krause) suspects that Kristina (Monica Potter) has been faking it, and she's not a particularly good liar. He feels bad, wanting her to react because she is truly enjoying herself, and not simply for his ego. Of course, now his ego is always going to question the validity of her reaction. But, as I once heard from the script of a play, if a woman is going to fake it, are you really going to call her on it and be annoyed with her generous spirit for wanting you to think she was having as good a time as you?

Your thoughts?

Parenthood - The Situation, S01E05

What is the right punishment when you know that your child plagiarized on an essay? Although Sarah Braverman (Lauren Graham) is mother on the show who struggles the most in that role, I really had to applaud her choices, though with any other child, it might not have worked out.

At Parent-Teacher interviews, Mr. Cyr (Jason Ritter), the English teacher, tells Sarah that her daughter's essay was brilliant. He has a lot of faith in Amber (Mae Whitman), which is a very good sign since she was nearly held back a year. Unfortunately, it turns out that the paper was one Sarah wrote 20 years before when she was in high school.

Sarah's initial reaction is to inform Mr. Cyr of the incident. On the one hand, he has the right to know, particularly as he informs Sarah that he would be willing to write Amber reference letters on the strength of the essay. But that faith, in combination with the flattery Sarah feels that Mr. Cyr thinks she could have gone to college, which she never did, prevents Sarah from speaking.

Instead, Amber has to write the paper for her. As a parent, this may be the best decision, since Amber will still have to do the work and will still learn from the experience, but it will not put the black mark of plagiarism on her transcript.

In the episode, Amber confessed to her teacher, submitting her new essay instead, which proved she really did learn her lesson, but would such a thing have taken place in reality?

What would you do/have done had your child done the same thing?

Parenthood - Whassup, S01E04

Parenthood continues to combine characters who are both flawed and endearing, neither exaggerated nor fake, with storylines familiar to all of us from our own experiences.

What daughter did not suffer the distress of her father's reaction to her first boyfriend? Mine had a questionnaire which he got my boyfriends to fill out, and after each question, if the answer was unsatisfactory, the young man was asked to leave the premises. Let's just say that my mother helped make sure he behaved enough so that we could get through a proper meal. The problem and stress of bringing a young man home to meet the family can only be combated by the knowledge that if he can/is will to put up with the insanity, than he is one step closer to possibly deserving you.

I have to say that I found the plot line regarding the young man using up too much water because he showered 6-7 times daily while taking care of the needs 14 year old boys have hilarious. When his uncle approached him to address the situation, that was awkward, but the conclusion was the best way imaginable to curb those urges. His grandfather came into the bathroom while he was "having a shower" and began explaining to him how this was a normal part of nature. Brilliant.

Were your experiences similar when you were that age?

Parenthood - The Deep End of The Pool, S01E03

Although this show could never be called or considered "light," the underlying hope is what keeps you coming back despite the emotional wringer you go through while watching.

The Braverman family has a whole lot of difficulties; with 4 children, all of whom have kids of their own, it's fairly easy to have a good cross section of typical parent-child relationships. What I have no really talked about so far, though, it the sibling relationships.

I have been told many times that my sister and I are ridiculously close, that siblings do not usually have the depth of friendship and understanding that we have...so perhaps I am not the best person to judge, but I do think that, as they get older, most siblings become quite close because of all the common experiences they have which no one else could possibly comprehend.

Adam (Peter Krause), Crosby (Dax Shepard), Julia (Erika Christensen), and Sarah (Lauren Graham) have wonderful sibling bonds. They have tensions, and fight of course, but they are each other's support systems. Crosby goes to his brother, Adam, for advice about the son he just discovered he had, rather than to his father. Julia and Sarah also often go to Adam, the oldest and most together of the four, whenever they are lost. He has much of the advice they might get from their father, but as their brother, he is not so intimidating.

I really like Julia. She is a wonderful example of a modern woman, trying very hard to be successful in her job, but torn because she wants so much to be a good mom and feels like she is continually failing. Her husband, Joel (Sam Jaeger), is the primary care-giver, and but he can be so oblivious to Julia's dilemma and challenges. They really need to sit down as a couple and discuss some of their priorities in regards to their daughter, so that both can participate and so that there aren't so many incidents where they are not supportive of each other with regards to their daughter.

When Julia was trying to encourage the child to swim, Joel backed her up, but the moment it didn't work out perfectly, instead of, like Julia, encouraging his child to see the positive side of a scary moment, he simply indulged the fear. Allowing your child to feel fear and be upset is one thing, but not allowing them to realize their accomplishment - that the fear was worth it - is only going to cripple them in the long run. I think. I'm not a parent, or a psychologist, so what do I know.

What I know is that I like Parenthood. It is heavy, but whatever else happens, the Bravermans love each other, and want what is best for one another. And since we will probably all fail regardless of what we try to be perfect relatives, all we can do is start with the best of intentions.

Parenthood - Man versus Possum, S01E02

Parenthood continues to develop the relationships between the relatives with accurate and painful truths. The themes of selfishness and prioritizing continue, with the knowledge that some of these things simply cannot be changed, though some of course can.

The case of Max having aspergers is the perfect metaphor for these choices. Although Max is very high functioning, he still cannot process the idea of anything else having more importance than he choices. Sometimes he will give into the desires of his parents, but only when bribed. The idea of giving of himself, so hard to understand of a normal child of that age, is quite beyond him. And his poor parents, despite all the efforts they will ever make for him will have to continue to make those efforts for him always, and he will never be able to return the favour.

But despite the pain of all this, watching him and his father running around their backyard, both dressed as pirates, brought me such joy and sadness, I could not tell which was the emotion overcoming me.

At least there is a little bit of normal relationship drama. Crosby (Dax Shepard) could not tell his girlfriend about his son, and so when he needed to cancel plans with her to go away for the weekend, he said it was because of Max. Typical idiot male, who on the one hand is trying his best and manning up for the son he never knew he had, but on the other hand is failing the woman whom he seemed to think was going to be a fixture in his life. I can't say that choosing your child over your woman is wrong, but she deserves to be considered a priority as well.

But don't worry, most of the drama involved a lack of seeing beyond oneself. Sarah (Lauren Graham) was having such a bad day because she was hurt over not getting a job she had really wanted that she took far longer than she ought to have to find out that her daughter was being held back in school. I suppose that might be a sign of why parenting alone is so difficult. Perhaps if she had a reliable partner to take care of her through her current difficulties, she would not be at such a loss to take care of her kids.

I do love how, despite all the difficulties and pain, the episode ended with a sense of hope. As long as we love each other, we can get through the hard times.

Parenthood - Pilot, S01E01

I'm not sure exactly what I was expecting when I started to watch the premiere of Parenthood. I guess it was surfaces. I didn't really expect the problems to reach deep into my emotional make up, to hit the viscera. I thought there would be touching moments, and funny moments, and even sad moments, but that they would be observed moments, instead of true pictures with the full range of helplessness.

Parenthood, in its first episode, has perfectly illuminated the difficulties of being a parent, as well as being a child to a parent or a parent to a parent.

Through great acting by a terrific cast, including a host of household names - Monica Potter, Lauren Graham, Craig T. Nelson, etc - we are confronted with the most difficult part of relating to our own family: selfishness. Somehow, with friends and acquaintances we can dismiss many disagreements that we cannot do with our own family members. Perhaps because it is more important to us that our parents agree with our methods of child rearing than our friends, or perhaps because we feel that our family should listen to our differing opinion and love us anyway, though we won't take that risk with someone outside the family circle.

The give and take between parent and child is not possible to balance. Children need to be given so much - they don't understand a parent's need to have personal space or time, they don't realize how much they can hurt by withholding their affections, they don't know what selfishness is. But adults need things to. They can't give every part of themselves to their child. Should they, and could they, live for themselves until they have children, and from that days forth, give every part of themselves to that child? And if they could, without going insane, who would pay for it all?

The same goes for the relationships between husbands and wives. Adam (Peter Krause) and Kristina (Monica Potter) demonstrated this perfectly when Kristina tried to tell her husband that something was seriously, medically wrong with their son. He refused to hear it. He continued talking about other solutions, other possibilities, without listening to what she had to say because he did not want to hear it. He did not want to know.

He neglected to think about the fact that she did not want to know either. That if she could, she would ignore it all as well. And since she did know, she needed him to know so that he could offer her his support.

We have to make choices for ourselves, and be a little selfish, because no one else is going to put us first, but we also have to make the effort again and again to give as much to other people. But there is a limit to how much one can give. I am quite excited to see how Parenthood develops when it already has such a clear and potent theme.